Email Etiquette: Opening Lines

Is it just me, or have the rest of you been noticing the proliferation of commas newly being added between the “Hi” and “[recipient's name here]” in email salutations?

One of the most intriguing and confusing things about email etiquette is its flexibility. The old conventions of letter writing don’t apply, and informality has become the norm. As a writer and professional geek, I worry about details like this. And I realize that the following is technically correct if you consider the salutation a complete sentence:

Hi, Peggy.

It’s time we did something about this. Call me.

But to me, it comes across as, “Uh-oh. I’m in trouble. What follows must be bad news.” Something about that period at the end is so sobering. I’ll admit, the first time I saw it was the beginning of an email in which a potential client was responding to my enthusiastic pitch to say, never mind. So I interpreted it as, “Hmm. Don’t get too excited, here.”

I also realize that one accepted, professional, and concise way to address an email recipient is this:

Peggy,

It’s time we did something about this. Call me.

This comes across — to me — as totally neutral. No blame, no promises, but all business. It works. But for my own communications, I’d rather be more friendly than that, especially since I work with the same clients so often and we feel comfortable and familiar with each other. This can, of course, lead to the other end of the spectrum, even going so far as emoticons. Hate to admit it, but I kinda like them. I realize that the following is not necessarily considered professional, but I always smile myself when I get one like it:

Hi Peggy!

It’s time we did something about this. Call me.

In my immediate reaction, I take this as 1) the sender is really glad to “see” me and 2) what follows must be good news, as in an invitation to something fun. Whether or not the sender puts a comma after the “Hi” doesn’t mitigate the enthusiasm.

My conundrum is: As a professional writer and grammar geek, do I go with the friendly version that’s not technically correct? The grammatically correct version that’s not really me? The business-as-usual version? I believe it’s important to pick one and stick with it. I’m seriously considering going back to:

Dear Peggy,

It’s time we did something about this. Just make up your mind, already.

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Just read a colleague’s post — http://www.webinknow.com/2007/08/the-gobbledygoo.html — that makes my day. David Meerman Scott’s updated manifesto makes me feel so, well, validated. Having written more than my share of jargon-ridden pieces — always under tactful protest, having tried to point out the futility of using worn cliches instead of language that actually means anything — I welcome David’s call to action.

He’s no mere ranter. His book, “The New Rules of Marketing and PR” has been a huge hit and a favorite of mine, and his ideas have been put into practice by many of us who’ve been evangelizing about relevant content, transparency, and saying something uniquely real instead of eye-rolling phrases like “…exceeding customer expectations with turnkey business solutions to optimize shareholder value…”

You know how in personal ads, almost every single guy claims to be “caring, easygoing, and honest to a fault?” And people of all genders “can go from jeans around the cabin to a tux for a night on the town” or the like? I mean, they all say that, so most are probably stretching things and besides, what’s so special about that? Depending on your life experience, you may also have heard that the first rule of being a girl is: Never trust a guy who says “Trust me.”

It’s like that with corporations, too, and even with small businesses and entrepreneurs. If you use the same messaging everyone else is using, no one will believe you. And even more importantly, no one will have any idea who you are and what you do. That’s why it makes sense to take some time to think about who YOU are, what YOU offer, uniquely and specifically, and how that benefits YOUR CUSTOMERS in a way that matters to them and that your competitors can’t match. It also really pays to keep abreast of what your competitors — and marketers in general — are saturating the market with so you know what not to say. A tough assignment, I realize, but that’s why they invented copywriters. I and any number of my competent colleagues are standing by to come to the rescue.

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One of my favorite clients is writing his first e-book and has been sending me drafts, asking for my professional opinion about whether the book is “there” yet. It’s a tough question to answer since “there” means such different things to different people. But it did get me thinking about what makes the difference between a book or e-book I’m excited about and one that makes me think, “I can’t believe somebody is actually charging $19.95 for this.”

What does “there” look like? It’s easy to judge from the bleachers as a reader, but harder to keep perspective in mid-game when you’re the writer. We all know that it’s better to be useful than clever. The basic principles they teach in technical communication class are the basic characteristics successful business books have in common.

Continue reading “What makes a business book good?”

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In public speaking as in writing, it’s all too easy to go on and on and on. As a Toastmaster, I know that the biggest challenge in giving a speech is to keep from running over your alloted time, so I’ve worked hard to edit down my speeches to their core messages and to keep from going off on tangents during the live performance. It’s not easy. There’s always that irresistible urge to throw in more ideas, more advice. but last week I learned a trick surprisingly useful for both speaking and writing.

At last week’s Capitol Club Toastmasters meeting, my assignment was to deliver a 5-to-7-minute speech with a clear purpose that got right to its point. And pretty much stayed there. So, instead of using my usual speech-writing method of free-writing for several pages pages, gradually winnowing all of that down to the best parts, then timing it, realizing I still had way to much material and winnowing again — I tried a new approach. This time, the written draft of my speech was only four sentences long.

Continue reading “Sticking to the Point”

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The process of writing my own website content — or rather, the process of failing to get anything written or posted for way, way too long — taught me some lessons about how it feels to be a client. It’s difficult to know exactly what you want to say until you try a few things and see what works and what doesn’t. Changing your mind or changing the scope of the project, feeling out the best way to present the message, and struggling to get clear on exactly who the audience is are all normal parts of the process. It very much helps to have some experienced guidance. Because, just as it’s hard to be your own hairstylist or your own marriage counselor, it’s hard to be your own writer.

Continue reading “Writer’s block”

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My all-time favorite piece of copywriting is the tagline, “Got milk?” It is beautiful in its brevity. It is immediately understood, perfect for its time, and has become one of those sayings so well known that many of us borrow it shamelessly in hopes that it will do for our product — or subject — what it did so well for milk. It is the ultimate example of clean, clear, concise, persuasive rhetoric; copywriting at its best.

Continue reading “Got words?”

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If there’s anything I love more than getting my point across, it’s helping someone else get their point across. Most people find it easy to give expert advice or discuss what matters to them, but ask them to put it in writing — or even to repeat what they just said so that you can write it down — and they freeze.

For consultants, coaches, and other entrepreneurs whose product is their expertise, writing a book is one of the best ways to establish credibility and market themselves. They know their material cold. The challenge lies in translating what’s between their ears to the printed page.

So, in response to requests from plenty of colleagues and a big kick in the butt from Tac Anderson, I’m coaching a group of four local superstar entrepreneurs through the process of writing their first business books.

Continue reading “Biz book writers pilot workshop”

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We’re all in this together. Every business has competition, but that doesn’t mean those competitors are necessarily enemies.

I know I’m not the only copywriter in town. I know this because I belong to several professional organizations, at meetings of which members take turns introducing themselves and their businesses. Every time, there are plenty of others who stand up and give a pitch that sounds unnervingly like my own. It takes confidence not to feel like chopped liver.

Continue reading “Competitors or collaborators?”

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A couple of months ago, the Idaho Statesman printed an excellent feature by Rocky Barker about the controversy over the reintroduction of wolves into Idaho. I was floored by a statement from one of the article’s interviewees, who said: “Hunters’ visions are that they can return to the same location year after year and have a positive experience with elk. Wolves interfere with that.”

Continue reading “Straight talk vs. spin”

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