The Power of The Right Words

I got to hear Greg Mortensen speak at the Morrison Center last night. One of the many amazing stories from his amazing journey was about the struggle with his publishers at Penguin over the exact wording of the subtitle for his book, Three Cups of Tea.

The publishers insisted on “One man’s mission to fight terrorism … one school at a time.” Mortensen did his best to convince them to change it to “One man’s mission to promote peace … one school at a time.”

Notice the profound difference just two words can make? He explained it simply and eloquently, saying, “Fighting terrorism is based on fear. Promoting peace is based on hope.”

The pros at Penguin very understandably assumed that “fighting terrorism” would sell more books—even though Mortensen’s mission is education, not militarism—and they prevailed. On the first round, anyway. Mortensen relented on condition that if the hardcover version of the book didn’t do well, the paperback version to follow would feature the “promoting peace” subtitle.

As for how it turned out—the hardcover edition only sold about 20,000 or so copies. The subtitle was changed, and the paperback edition with “promote peace” on the cover shot to the top of the New York Times best-seller list and has stayed there for 95 weeks as of today.

Popularity: 60% [?]

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I’m finally reading The Omnivore’s Dilemma by Michael Pollan. For somebody who makes her living keeping sentences short and cutting out the big words, this is a real feast. His writing is graceful, eloquent, full of meaning and literary allusions, and full of words that send me to the dictionary. With long, loping, looping sentences.

I’m loving it. The feeling reminds of the time I had tried to cut fats from my diet for about a month and then fell off the wagon for a slice of Lucky 13 pesto pizza just dripping with olive oil. What a blessed relief! Fat! Rapture!

I won’t give up my quest to perfect the art of writing lean when I’m writing copy, of course. A big book serves a completely different function than say, a web page or an elevator pitch. I open up The Ominvore’s Dilemma when I’m ready to curl up in a comfy chair for long stretches. Nobody ever curls up with a good trifold brochure.

So, while eye-grabbing headlines and bullet lists of benefits have their place in the world of word mongering, it’s heartening to find Pollan and to be reassured that beautiful, intricate, thought-inducing prose still resonates with people and still sells lots of books.

Good writing feeds the soul, and I’m glad to be reminded of the importance of enjoying a varied diet. And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to read about the mysteries of mycorrhizal fungi and marvel at the wild mushroom’s talent for decomposing and recycling organic matter into digestive enzymes that support all life on earth.

Popularity: 63% [?]

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Nothing makes an English major’s day like seeing the word “grammar” in a news headline. Apparently, the lack of a gender-neutral plural pronoun in the English language is causing confusion on social networking sites: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080627/ap_on_hi_te/tec_facebook_genders

All writers struggle with this one. For example, take a sentence like “Every writer has ______ own unique style.”

Should one use “his” exclusively? Pretty sexist.

Alternate by using “his” this time and “her” the next? Hard to keep track of, as well as being confusing for readers.

Resort to the clunkiness of “his/her” or “his or her?” Interrupts the flow of the sentences and breaks the reader’s concentration on the subject.

I wrote a report on the subject for a linguistics class a few years ago and decided that my own stylistic convention would be to use “their,” even though it’s not technically correct. I find it less jarring than the other options. To me, this solution is preferable to implying that every reader is male or self-consciously calling attention to the controversy every time.

With my clients, I discuss the pros and cons of the various choices and advise them to choose a convention and stick with it, then I add it to the style guide I keep for each client. As with so many other grammar and usage questions, there are choices and the important thing is to have a good reason for the decision you make and to be consistent.

So, what’s your preference? I’d love to hear other writers’ and readers’ perspectives and opinions.

Popularity: 69% [?]

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I’ve been working on new content for Dr. Jennifer Anacker’s website this week and needed to learn more about chiropractic treatment and subluxation so I could describe them briefly and clearly for her readers. That meant starting with research and taking lots of notes. And thanks to a lucky accident — running out of graph paper — I discovered a way to focus my efforts and save a few steps.

My typical process is to start every project by writing longhand on graph paper with my current favorite pen, getting down everything I can think of or find that relates to the subject. I’m a big believer in the spew-now-edit-later approach, and usually end up with many pages’ worth of raw material.

The next step is to winnow it down, sift out everything but the good stuff, and transcribe that to a fresh Word doc. Then comes hammering that into the actual first draft, which then goes through several more iterations before it becomes the so-called first draft the client sees.

But on this particular morning, I was all out of graph paper and loose-leaf paper. I didn’t even have any used-on-one-side printer paper. The only thing around to write on was a small stack of used envelopes (I recycle these for to-do lists and random notes to myself before ultimately putting them in the recycle bin). So I decided to see whether I could capture the gist of what I needed to know and explain using only the front and back sides of one used #10 envelope.

It worked beautifully and helped me keep a straightforward task from getting more complicated than it needed to be. I filled up my “canvas,” transcribed the notes to a Word doc, and realized I had a serviceable draft right there, already.

With some projects, you need to write a lot in order to discover what it is you’re really trying to say. With others, it works best to spend more upfront time cogitating and nailing down your points before you start to write. Writing takes time and focus and lots of practice either way, which is why people hire me to do it for them. The hard part is the blank screen or the blank page, getting that first draft out. Then comes the easier, fun part: tweaking and polishing and fine-tuning.

Discovering the envelope trick turned the hard part into a game, the object of which was to stay within the lines and make a linear journey from point A to point B, leaving out the hand-wringing stage entirely. I love it when that happens.

Popularity: 76% [?]

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I was the guest speaker for a lively group of business analysts at the Treasure Valley IIBA lunch meeting today. During the Q&A they gave me some wonderful examples of miscommunication. (For those of you who don’t already know this, I’ll explain here that I collect such examples to use for trainings, workshops, and just for a good laugh, so please send me any good ones you come across.)

At the meeting, we were discussing business writing and the importance of putting yourself in the reader’s position to check for things that could be misunderstood. One of the analysts told the story of a client of hers who is a short-term disability expert. The client habitually refers to her field as “STD” and recently sent out a customer sales letter touting the benefits of STD, talking about how everyone needs STD, etc.

In this client’s mind, STD means short-term disability coverage. But to the rest of the world, the first thing that comes to mind when we see STD is “s**ually transmitted diseases.”The moral of the story? Get a second opinion about what you’ve written before sending out any important piece of communication.

It is especially helpful if your reviewer/proofreader/editor is NOT in your field or your profession, because they’ll be more likely to catch any terms or concepts that only insiders are familiar with.

It’s very difficult to imagine how it feels not to know the things one knows well. That’s why so many how-to books do such a poor job of explaining how to do something. Being able to work from a beginner’s mind, even though you are an expert, is the secret to being a good communicator, a good teacher, even a good business analyst. One of the best ways to find out whether you’re succeeding is to get feedback, whether from your target audience, a friend, or a professional communicator.

The other example the group gave me was a joke (with special thanks to Jane Francis!):

A truck driver has penguins in his truck and is on his way to deliver them to the zoo. His truck breaks down. He flags down another trucker and says,“I’ll pay you $500 to take these penguins to the zoo.”“OK, I’ll be happy to do that,” says the second trucker.

Hours later, the first trucker is in town and sees the second trucker in a crosswalk with the penguins following behind him. “Hey, I thought I told you to take the penguins to the zoo.”

“Right,” trucker two replies. “We went to the zoo and had money left over so now we’re going to the movies.”

As George Bernard Shaw once said: “The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished.”

Popularity: 97% [?]

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